Greetings from Amazon.com.
We thought you would like to know that we are preparing the following items for shipment:
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Qty Item
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1 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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Yes sir, tomorrow is the big day. The release of the final installment in the Harry Potter seventology, or whatever the hell it's called.
Oh man, you must be excited. I bet you can't wait to get your hands on this book.
Me, I've had my hands on the book pretty much continuously for the last week, preparing all these orders for shipment. In fact, I'm holding your copy as I write this.
It's kind of funny, when you think of it: you've been looking forward to this book for a decade, probably pre-ordered the thing a year ago; and here I am, some warehouse-working Muddle (or whatever you call us), who doesn't know Hogwarts from genital warts, with the book 24 hours before you.
That's a little something called irony. You'll appreciate it when you get older. Assuming you're not some 37-year old guy who lives with his parents and can recite the d20 stats for a gelatinous cube has off the top of his head.
Well, don't you worry. This book will be on your doorstep tomorrow afternoon, ready to read.
I, of course, could read the book--YOUR book--right now. And I gotta admit, it WOULD be fun to be one of the first people in the world to know how it all ends.
Hmm. So, maybe I'll just read the last page ...
OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!! IT WAS ALL A DREAM???!
Hah hah. I'm just yanking your chain. That's not how it ends. Or maybe it IS, and I'm just saying it's not so you'll be doubly surprised when you finish it. You never know.
I really did read the last page, though. The final word is "haberdashery." You can verify that when you get the book. Tomorrow. A full day after I had it.
I gotta tell ya, though: now that I know how it ends, I kind of want to read the whole thing. If I start right now, I could probably finish it and get this book in the mail to you by Wednesday. You wouldn't mind waiting a few extra days, would you?
Also, I dog-ear pages to save my place. I hope that's okay.
j/k. I wouldn't really read this book. 1000 words about fairies? Yeah, no. Besides, who has the time? Some of us have work for a living. For instance, I bust my hump 60 hours a week schlepping your books around.
Besides, I'd rather see the movie anyway. That chick who plays Hermoine is smoking hot. I'd quidditch, if you know what I'm sayin'.
All right, settle down. I'm putting your precious doorstop in the box now. If you've explored the links on the Your Account page but still need assistance with your order, you'll find links to e-mail or call Amazon.com Customer Service in our Help department at http://www.amazon.com/help/
Thank you for shopping with us.
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Amazon.com... and you're done!
http://www.amazon.com/
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P.s. Dobby dies.
Labels: Funnn-eh
